


Wrestlemania

by Ambitious_Rubbish



Series: Miscellaneous Miscellanea [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambitious_Rubbish/pseuds/Ambitious_Rubbish
Summary: There’s a kiddie pool filled with baby oil on the Normandy’s hangar deck. Where did it come from? Why is it there? And, perhaps most importantly of all, will anyone end up naked and wrestling in it? Click to see maybe some of these questions answered! (Well, the answer to that last one is ‘yes.’)
Series: Miscellaneous Miscellanea [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910671
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Wrestlemania

**Author's Note:**

> Written for: https://masseffectkink.dreamwidth.org/8718.html?thread=43501326#cmt43501326

No one knew where it came from.

The findings of the after-action report were that, in all likelihood, it was probably Vega's fault. But however it got there, Jack and Ashley ended up in it.

Miranda was too aloof to get involved in the whole mess. At least until Jack used her biotics to haul her in.

Tali watched from the sidelines. Liara did, too. The asari seemed completely confused about the whole business, muttering about the weird things humans did for fun. The quarian nodded, as if she agreed with that assessment. Secretly, the temperature in her suit had gone up by like a thousand degrees.

Wrex cheered. Wrestling in oil was apparently a huge sport on Tuchanka. Almost as popular as murdering each other and chomping the heads off live varren. Mordin explained it to a bewildered Steve Cortez: there wasn't a whole lot to do on Tuchanka. Krogan had to make their own fun.

At some point during the “match,” Kelly Chambers had donned a halter top and miniskirt. She paced back and forth holding up placards indicating what round the fight was up to. Her clothes had disappeared by Round 3.

The most likely culprit for the theft was a drunken Japanese woman who was later found in possession of two dozen towels purloined from ship's laundry, and a stolen hot-pink thong that was never claimed. She continues to assert her innocence.

Doctor Chakwas, who had been content to sit in her office, relaxing with a good book, found herself poking her head out into the corridor to see what all the ruckus was about. She took one look at the proceedings and promptly returned to her desk where she set about slamming her face into the synthetic wood until she opened a cut above her left eye. Operating a dermal regenerator while mildly concussed proved to be too much for her to handle. But she's been told the scar makes her look quite rakish.

Gabby Daniels found the whole thing utterly distasteful and was extremely vocal in expressing her disdain. Ken Donnelly, as expected, thought the idea of Ashley Williams, Miranda Lawson and Jacqueline Nought slicked up with baby oil and grappling with each other to be the best thing sentient life had invented since Extranet pornography. They argued. Loudly. And were later found in a maintenance closet with their hands down each others' pants.

As for Extranet pornography, recognizing the momentous pile of credits that could be had if he just showed the right entrepreneurial spirit, Joker shanghaied EDI into helping him tap into the ship's surveillance feeds. Six minutes after his pay site went online, he'd earned enough to purchase and retire to his very own planet. Four minutes after that, EDI became the first AI in the history of the Citadel races to own a robot army.

Of the trillions of beings tuned into Joker's site, Samantha Traynor had probably been the first to connect. When asked later why she hadn't simply attended the live showing, she explained that she'd been far too busy saving the streaming broadcast to every single piece of removable storage media she could lay her hands upon. “For future reference, you understand.”

Traynor wasn't the only member of the ship's crew to miss out on the exhibition.

Garrus didn't see any of it. He was calibrating something.

Meanwhile, Samara, Javik and Zaeed engaged in an extremely candid conversation about Miranda's breasts.

“You mean them tits aren't real? That's a _goddamn_ travesty!”

\-----

Shepard reported back aboard ship hours after all had been said and done and the mess had been cleaned up, only to find Campbell and Westmoreland grousing about having missed all the fun. The two sentries had apparently been stuck at their posts the entire time.

And yet, as he walked past them and into the CIC, he swore he heard one whispering to the other, asking if she, too, had somehow ended up with an oil-soaked bra in her pocket.


End file.
